Enter at Your Own Risk

I was in a pretty sketchy convenience store the other day when it occurred to me that most of these places have a few major things in common. So in the interest of public safety, here are my top 10 signs that you’re in a shady convenience store:

10). Police won’t stop there … even for free doughnuts.
9). Always someone on a bicycle hanging suspiciously around a pay phone.
8).You can’t find USA Today, but you can find three fetish magazines.
7). More handmade signs than a lemonade stand.
6). The clerk is staring at you through bars like an inmate on death row.
5). Three words: Lotto. Lotto. Lotto.
4). A fellow customer is actually enjoying one of those hot dogs off the rollers.
3). They have one of those measuring sticks at the door to identify the perpetrator … and they actually use it.
2). Police tape. (See number 3).
1). One brand of milk; five brands of rolling paper.

If you see three or more of these 10, then it’s probably a good idea to move on down the road. You can thank me later.