Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Vacation Brings Travel Travails

I just returned from a family road trip to Myrtle Beach, S.C. As usual, I have some important revelations to share from my travels. You might call them travel travails. They are as follows:
  • There’s no cut-off age for getting those red or pink streaks in your hair. Your grandma used to have blue hair. Now she has blue hair with red streaks.
  • If someone tells you to drive a Jet Ski faster to get better control, ignore them. It’s not true. You are only going to crash … and faster.
  • If you are at any restaurant at Myrtle Beach, save yourself some time and order the crab cakes. Don’t even bother looking at the menu. Better yet, don’t ever leave the Noizy Oyster.
  • If you are going to Pigeon Forge, Tenn., (our happy halfway point) always make hotel reservations. It doesn’t matter if you are arriving at noon on Monday. Make reservations. That mind-reading pig must be very popular.
  • A frightening number of babies are wearing mohawks. Why do they make such daring hairstyle choices at such a young age?
  • If you complain about your room, you’ll always get a better one. I was one grievance away from the Penthouse at Paradise Resort.
  • Some jack ass with horrible hand/eye coordination is always going to hit you with a wet football at the pool.
  • If you’re near the beach and someone tells you to go fly a kite, then you should do it. Really. It’s fun.
  • If your wife asks if you are too tired to drive, then she is the one who is actually tired … tired of the way you’re driving.
  • If you accidentally run a red light, your kid isn’t going to let you hear the end of it, particularly if you dumped him off a Jet Ski  … twice.