Great Wolf Rates High

Several weeks ago, I went with the family to the Great Wolf Lodge, just outside of Cincinnati. With apologies to Roger Ebert, I’d give it four out of five puking kids.

Great Wolf is a hotel with an indoor water park, featuring attractions for all ages. It is costly, but a big hit with kids. Kid-friendly touches include a room within a room, complete with bunk beds and a television. A role-playing game with a wizard’s theme is another great diversion.

But the main event is definitely the water park. At any given moment, Kim and 6-year-old Clark played basketball in one of a half-dozen pools, while 12-year-old Trent and I nearly lost our lunch on one of the park’s mondo water slides.

This brings me to the innovative puke-scale rating. Not surprisingly, pizza doesn’t mix well with undulating waves and death-defying slides. On four different occasions, teenage lifeguards shut down Great Wolf’s wave pool to clean out offending organisms.

In case you’re wondering, the lifeguard who spots the lost lunch must remove it. No one could be blamed for literally looking the other way. Not these guys and gals. They took their jobs seriously, donning protective gloves and removing regurgitated remnants.

During one such cleaning, we returned to our room. Apparently determined not to be outdone, Clark complained of a stomach ache. Thankfully, the moment passed.

That’s why I can give Great Wolf only four puking kids. It nearly earned a rare five-puke rating, but it wasn’t to be on this trip.