I'm as Cuddly as a Cactus

The Courier-Journal has had a lot of fun with the recent controversy involving Dr. Seuss Enterprises and the City of Louisville. Dr. Seuss Enterprises sent the city a cease and desist letter because it planned to use characters from “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” in an annual Christmas celebration.

No word yet on whether the letter was delivered by Thing 1 or Thing 2.

Regardless, according to the C-J, this amounts to Grinch-like activity. If that’s the case, then I’m as cuddly as a cactus, too.

As a writer, I appreciate the value of copyrighted material. I wouldn’t take kindly to someone taking my intellectual property and using it as their own, which is exactly what the city intended to do. (Writer's note: I am, however, available for the right price).

Sure it’s flattering, but flattery don’t pay the bills.

This is no different than illegally downloading music or presenting a play without the playwright’s permission. In fact, the C-J won’t let you reproduce their stories with immunity either. Those guys must have garlic in their souls, too.

While it’s not great public relations, Dr. Seuss Enterprises has to aggressively police its brand. Otherwise, every city in America will be brimming with unauthorized Grinchs. Nobody wants that kind of havoc.

In closing, some might call the whole thing rather Mickey Mouse. Not me. I don’t want to get a letter from the Walt Disney Company.

Rachel Ray: Gone to the Dogs

Rachel Ray is peddling a “super premium” dog food called Nutrish. To me, this symbolizes everything wrong with Ray and her chief benefactor, Oprah Winfrey.

First, there’s the oh-so-cute name -- Nutrish. It reminds me of the way Ray refers to extra virgin olive oil as EVOO. A few other definitions from Rachel Ray’s “Dictionary of the Adorable” include “fav” for favorite and “veggies” for vegetables. For most of us, this stops being cute around age six.

Maybe I’m just an old fuddy-duddy, but I’ve always taken the English language pretty seriously. So this kind of stuff just TMT – turns my tummy.

Secondly, there’s the presumption that Ray knows what dogs should be eating. Call me crazy, but maybe that decision is better left to a veterinarian rather than a perky television talk show host.

What’s next? Kelly Ripa’s tips on animal husbandry.

It shouldn’t surprise me, though. Oprah and her crew have already told us who to vote for, what to read, how to communicate, how to feel, what to eat, what not to eat, what to wear and what not to wear.

Now the doghouse is not even safe from Oprah’s influence.

I don’t know why I’m getting so exercised about this. After all, I don’t even have dogs. But if I did, they’d get nothing but Alpo.

Take This Advice to the Bank

We’ve heard the recent financial crisis blamed on greedy bankers, President Bush and Alan Greenspan, to name some favorite scapegoats.

If you want to find the real culprit, look in the mirror.

For many of us, commonsense was knocked out by ambition.

You could see this coming like a Hollywood divorce. I used to drive my trusty Buick LaSebare through exclusive neighborhoods and wonder who could afford the million dollar homes there.

As it turns out, nobody could.

That didn’t stop people from living in those swanky homes, driving those expensive cars and taking those exotic vacations.

We’ve become a society that isn’t very good at delaying gratification. With apologies to Queen, we want it all and we want it now. If we can’t afford it now, then we’ll just put it on a credit card and worry about it later.

The only problem with that lifestyle is that it’s not sustainable. The collapse was inevitable. Now it’s time to pay the piper.

If we are going to recover, we’ve got to return to the financial principles of our grandparents. Buy only what you can afford. Save instead of spending. Eat at home instead of a restaurant. Buy a car based on reliability, not status.

Remember, when it comes to this mess, bankers, Bush and Greenspan weren’t alone in making bad decisions.

Life Isn't Always Greener

When I find a good thing, I stick with it.

If I were Katie Couric, for instance, I’d still be hosting The Today Show.

That’s why I watch the careers of football coaches Bobby Petrino (Arkansas) and Rich Rodriguez (Michigan) with such interest. Both coaches left jobs filled with adoration and money for jobs with more adoration and money.

But it hasn’t quite worked out that way – at least not yet.

Petrino left an Orange Bowl champion University of Louisville program for the Atlanta Falcons. He quit before finishing his first NFL season, becoming a punchline in the process. He’s now in his first unremarkable season at the University of Arkansas.

Rodriguez left West Virginia -- his alma mater, of all things -- to become the head coach of the University of Michigan. His new team has become a punching bag, losing to anybody and everybody, including the University of Toledo.

Until this past week, the schools that these two coaches jilted weren’t exactly setting the world on fire either.

It goes to show you that you better think twice before leaving a situation where you're successful, well-liked and well paid. Success is partly about being in the right place with the right people at the right time. The model can’t always be replicated across the country, like a McDonald’s cheeseburger.

But what do I know? If I were Tom Hanks, I would never have won an Oscar. I’d been too busy staring in the stage production of “Bosom Buddies.”

On Bailouts and Negative Ads

Baron Hill won my vote, but now he’s losing it.

Hill is an incumbent Democrat vying to return to Congress in Indiana’s 9th District. He is running against Republican Mike Sodrel, who previously held the seat. It seems like these guys have been fighting it out since the Nixon administration.

It’s always been a tough call for me.

I once met Hill at a Democratic function. He’s a former Indiana basketball star. This Baron seemed down to earth. I liked him.

My brother-in-law once worked for Sodrel’s trucking company. Sodrel is a self-made man who brought a lot of jobs to southern Indiana. My brother-in-law liked him.

I’m so conflicted that I’ve voted for both guys at different times.

So it was again this year, until Hill voted against the bailout. At that point, I figured Hill was my guy.

But I’m starting to waver again, mostly because of the onslaught of negative ads that are being run against Sodrel. In contrast, Sodrel’s ads (at least at the time of this writing) define himself rather than defaming his opponent, which I find refreshing.

I’m sure Hill would point out that the negative ads are being run by the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee and not his campaign. That's a technicality. I think any guy courageous enough to stand up against the bailout should be able to pull the plug on negative campaigning.