Submarine Book Has Depth

I just finished reading my friend Todd Tucker's latest novel Collapse Depth, which is available for download at the Kindle store.

I have particularly enjoyed Todd’s non-fiction writing over the years, since this is my preferred genre. I’m just one of those “ripped straight from the headlines” kind of guys.

So I approached Collapse Depth with a little trepidation. Nevertheless, the novel worked for me because Todd made it feel real while traveling to fanciful territory. Undoubtedly, he drew upon his background as a naval officer – as well as his knowledge of history – to pull it off.

Todd’s knowledge particularly shines through as he describes life aboard a nuclear submarine, including the language, the rivalries, the living and the gadgets. He does this in a way that satisfies the curiosity of landlubbers without overwhelming us.

But this isn’t a submarine manual. Todd pays close attention to character development too as he unveils the players, their backgrounds and their motives. We meet administrators who yearn for the sea, sailors who yearn for the land and spouses who yearn for information.

Todd accomplishes this without interfering with the underlying whodunit story. He deftly switches back and forth between sailors on a submarine mission gone wrong and supporters at home dealing with the consequences. He rewards readers for paying close attention as the mystery unfolds, although there are some red herrings along the way.

Because of the way it is structured, Collapse Depth is a quick and satisfying read. Key scenes played out in my mind’s eye like an action adventure movie. (If you're optioning movies, I bet Todd wouldn't mind hearing from you).

The book met my personal need for authenticity while holding my attention with an entertaining story. Unless I’m mistaken, I don’t think we’ll get another history book out of Todd anytime soon, so I’ll eagerly await the sequel to this one.

Disclaimer: Todd has kindly included me in the acknowledgments section of his past books. I hold no malice that this e-book does not carry any acknowledgments.

Hummingbird Flying off Shelves

When the Elaine character in the television series Seinfeld discovers that one of her favorite products is being pulled from the shelves, she immediately buys the remaining stock and uses it sparingly so as not to run out.

The Hummingbird flosser

When it comes to the Oral-B Hummingbird electric flosser, I feel just like Elaine.

My flossing habits aren’t exactly ideal, as my dentist is quick to point out, in writing no less. The Hummingbird makes it a little easier, packing a powerful plaque pounding punch into a small inexpensive package. Additionally, just like an electric toothbrush, the Hummingbird head can be replaced when it wears out. Lately, the replacement heads have been harder to find, if not downright impossible. I began to suspect the worst. Soon, those fears were realized. Somehow, the finest flosser that ever existed has been discontinued.

Once I confirmed this travesty, I hurried to the Web and plugged “Oral-B” and “Hummingbird” into a search, hoping to find one last stash and stockpile it, just like Elaine. Although discontinued, the Hummingbird must’ve enjoyed a devoted following as a black market has sprung up run by ne’er-do-wells more concerned with profiteering than oral health. These things were going like Super Bowl tickets.

Through sheer determination, I found three Hummingbirds available over the Web at retail price. I pounced on all three. Each has three replacement heads. That will cover me for a while, but my supply will eventually run dry, leaving my dentist to document the decay. So, from now on, as I clean up and prepare to leave the house, I’ll consider my destination and put it to the Elaine test: Is this occasion Hummingbird worthy?

Big Times in the Big Easy

I just got back from a family trip to New Orleans to witness the greatest victory in the history of Louisville football over Florida in the Sugar Bowl. Following are the impressions of a first-time visitor to the Big Easy on the city and the game.

• Food, food and more food. We toured New Orleans on our stomachs from shrimp creole to gumbo to Pepto. A little more on that later.
• When you’re traveling to New Orleans for the first time, always seek the advice of a native, such as my good friend Dave Kemmerly. Dave advised us to stay in the Hilton Riverside, right in the middle of everything. He was right. Unfortunately, it also turned out to be the official hotel of the Florida team, band, cheerleaders, parents, fans, etc. The hotel bellman spied our University of Louisville attire as he took us to our room and said, “Y’all trouble makers, aren’t you?” In a city run amok with Cardinal fans by everyone’s account, we managed to spend a great deal of our time behind enemy lines.
• Although it sounds like a designer drug, Zydeco is actually a kind of Creole music that features the accordion. And when you feature the accordion, “The Chicken Dance” can’t be far behind, as we found out at Mulate’s.
•  As mentioned earlier, I inadvertently spent a lot of time with Florida fans, including a mile-long walk from the Superdome after U of L’s victory. I wasn’t looking forward to that one, but Gator fans were all class. They frequently congratulated us on the victory and praised U of L quarterback Teddy Bridgewater.
• Not that I blame them, but the UF players were not nearly as collegial after the loss. My wife used one word to describe them: “seething.” Better them than me.
• Although primarily known for its French influences, New Orleans is a melting pot for a lot of different cultures, including Italian. We picked up a famous muffaletta sandwich at the Central Grocery, which felt like the meat market in the Sopranos. The sandwich was terrific, even if they may have been smuggling Zydeco from the back.
• I don’t know exactly how much powdered sugar they pour on the beignets at Café DuMonde, but I’m betting it arrives on Decatur Street in cement trucks. I wore more on my sweatshirt than I ate. But believe me, I’m not complaining.
• One of my stated goals in New Orleans was to pick up an authentic voodoo doll. After spending a little time in one of those shops, I can tell you that voodoo is something that sounds better in theory than in practice. I found the black arts just aren’t for me. Plus, most of my enemies have been smitten already anyway.

That’s our trip to New Orleans in a nutshell: a great victory, a friendly rival, delicious food from breakfast through dinner, and a safe return without a curse or Zydeco addiction.

A Christmas Story

We were preparing to go to my mother’s house for Christmas Eve when my youngest protested about having to wear jeans instead of sweatpants.

“It’s a party,” I explained. “You have to dress up a little.”

A superb arguer, just like his father, Clark provided his usual well-reasoned response, “Well, I didn’t have to dress up for Andrew’s birthday party.”

I was highlighting the difference between laser tag and Christmas Eve when my oldest chimed in.

“That was Andrew’s birthday,” he said. “This is Jesus’s.”

Silenced, at least for the moment, Clark put on his jeans.

Lessons from the Bahamas

My family traveled to the Bahamas over Thanksgiving to watch the University of Louisville play in the Battle 4 Atlantis basketball tournament and to enjoy some winter warmth. Here are a few things we learned during our trip.

Leap of Faith or Atomic Wedgie?

• Southwest Airlines “can’t control the weather.” At least that’s what they told me ad nauseam after I missed connections because of fog in St. Louis. I’m still trying to figure out what fog in St. Louis had to do with either Louisville or Fort Lauderdale.
• A $12 mango daiquiri is good, but not $12 worth (with tip) of good.
• Forget Chris, everybody hates Duke. My U of L gear always evoked a refrain from fans of other schools of “Beat Duke.” Wish we could have.
• Treat yourself to the grouper at Twin Brothers, even if you have to go outside to find the restroom.
• Senior Cardinal guard Peyton Siva is not only a terrific player, but an outstanding leader. When I peeked underneath the bleachers at halftime of the championship game against Duke and saw him bring the team together for a players’ only huddle, I knew the Cardinals were going to make a run at it, which they did.
• Get your bearings before you get on the rapids / wave attraction at Atlantis or you may get trapped in some kind of time space warp.
• Before the season, I figured Gorgui Dieng was the player the Cardinals could least afford to lose. That’s before I knew of the talents of Montrezl Harrell and the heart of Steven Van Treese. Van Treese’s story is particularly compelling. If Rick Pitino had had his way, Van Treese would’ve been playing for Division II Bellarmine instead of going toe to toe with Duke’s Mason Plumlee in a battle of top five teams.
• They ought to change the name of the “Leap of Faith” to the “Atomic Wedgie.”
• VCU fans are fervent. I particularly enjoyed the big guy with ram horns and cape, although I don’t think he possessed any actual super powers.
• When cars drive on the wrong side of the road, you’re never sure whether they’re coming or going. Just to be safe, apply “look both ways” liberally.
• Sometimes it’s a good thing when you can’t find the Big East Network. (Think football).
• Heed the wave warnings. Those things hit like Michael Bush.
• The only thing in the Bahamas with bolder and more unpredictable moves than Russ Smith is a Bahamian taxi driver.
• Just because you can charge everything to a room key, doesn’t mean you have to. Otherwise, you might order a second $12 daiquiri.