Hosed by State Farm

In the last couple of weeks, I watched a lot of great basketball and saw a lot of stupid State Farm commercials. To me, any State Farm commercial is an affront. Every time I see one I think about how State Farm won’t pay $7,000 to repair my roof, but can dish out the big bucks to be the marquee sponsor of the NCAA tournament.

I’d like State Farm better if they promoted less and paid more. To put it another way, these ads could fix a whole lot of hurricane damage.

Insurance is about trust. You can’t buy trust during a college basketball tournament. You earn it by living up to your word.

Nevertheless, there is State Farm at every TV timeout, telling us how their insurance is more complete than their competitors. In one spot, a guy gets his car washed. He’s horrified to learn it hasn’t been rinsed. A goofball attendant reminds him that he paid for a wash … not a rinse.

This is a heavy-headed metaphor for State Farm. The message is that State Farm covers everything … the wash and the rinse.

Indeed. If my experience with State Farm is any indication, they are bound to give you a good hosing.

State Farm: You're No Panasonic

I was recently pleasantly surprised to find that some companies (not named State Farm) are actually still interested in satisfying their customers.

The experience didn’t exactly start out as an ode to customer service. My big-ticket, flat screen television was being invaded by red and blue blobs. The TV is new enough to be new, but old enough to be outside of warranty.

I reached for the Pepto-Bismol and the telephone. Someone in India answered. I was transferred a couple of times. More heartburn. I was already drafting a complaint letter to Panasonic in my head when something unexpected happened.

I found someone who actually seemed knowledgeable about my problem. He led me through a couple of diagnostic tests. When nothing improved, he promised to send out a technician at no cost. Within a week, my television was fixed.

Remember, this television was outside of warranty. Was this a recall? Was it a known problem? I don’t know and frankly don’t care. All I know is ESPN never looked so good.

Next time I’m in the market for a new TV, Panasonic will definitely be in my “consideration set,” as the marketing people are prone to say.

State Farm could learn from these guys.

State Farm Should Get a Clue

Not surprisingly, State Farm’s engineer has delivered a report in which he finds the company has no culpability for damage to my roof.

Here’s what he does blame:

• Poor adhesion of shingles
• Overlapping shingles
• Old shingles
• Weathered shingles
• High nailing
• Short nailing
• Finger-nailing (just kidding about that one)
• Poor ventilation

Here’s my theory: Mr. White did it on the roof with a candlestick.

In all seriousness, the report includes so many different explanations that it reminds me of a guilty man in an interrogation room searching for an alibi.

The engineer blames anything and everything except the most obvious – 80 mph winds from Hurricane Ike that damaged the roofs of every home around me. Their claims have been paid. Meanwhile, I’ve lost shingles, just like the roofers said I would.

Take heed, people, having State Farm insurance is like having no insurance at all.

A Running Gag

If you question the power of advertising, why do I still feel compelled to yell “Go, O.J., Go!” whenever I see someone running frantically to catch a bus, cab, plane, etc.?

O.J. Simpson (yes, THAT O.J. Simpson) starred in an ad for the car rental company Hertz in the 1970s. In the ad, Simpson is running recklessly through an airport jumping every obstacle as he tries to catch a departing airplane. Encouraging onlookers yell, “Go, O.J., Go!

For years since, whenever I saw someone running chaotically in a public setting, I felt like yelling, “Go, O.J., Go!” More times than not, I actually did yell it. Surprisingly, no one ever bloodied my nose. They were in too much of a hurry, I guess.

Anyway, just last week, probably three decades after that commercial last aired, I see a young guy running like a madman down Louisville’s Main Street. My first thought? “Go, O.J., Go!” This time, I contained myself. Being born long after the commercial, the guy couldn’t have possibly appreciated my cutting-edge humor.

Nevertheless, I couldn’t block the thought. I’m not making any promises for the next time someone blazes past me, either.

With O.J.s’ reprehensible behavior, Hertz has long since ended its relationship with him. Unfortunately, as far as the commercial goes, I’m having a harder time letting go.

The Olympic Spirit

Being in peak physical condition myself, I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed my recent trip to Stanford University in Palo Alto, Calif., where I got to compare notes with Olympians Anne Cribbs, Kim Carlisle and Peggy Fleming.

Cribbs and Carlisle were both Olympic swimmers. Fleming is the iconic Olympic figure skater. Cribbs (1960 in Rome) and Fleming (1968 in Grenoble, France) won gold medals. Unfortunately, despite making the Olympic team, Carlisle didn’t get to compete in the Games because of the 1980 U.S. Olympic boycott.

I am a highly decorated athlete myself, having won participation trophies over the years in both softball and bowling. So it was only natural that the four of us would gather in a local gym to swap training and nutrition tips.

OK. That didn’t happen. But I really did get to spend some time with all three between bites of my pasta and meat sauce.

Among other things, these Olympians are involved with promoting the 2009 National Senior Games, which will be held Aug. 1-15 at Stanford. The games are being sponsored by my company, Humana. More than 14,000 athletes ages 50 and above are expected to participate. The games are really personification of the idea of lifelong fitness and aging gracefully - something the Olympians know a lot about.

In fact, they say “once an Olympian, always an Olympian.” If only the same could be said for pitchers in the B division of the Salem softball league.