Ridiculous Fees? You Can Bank On It

If you don’t spend your money, then your bank might just take it away from you. At least that’s the case with me and Fifth Third Bank. 

I have a checking account at Fifth Third that I don’t regularly use. I only opened the account at Fifth Third’s suggestion. I figured it couldn’t hurt to have another checking account in addition to my primary one. I was wrong. 

I recently discovered Fifth Third has been deducting a $5 “dormant account” fee from this account for months without my knowledge. I would have discovered this sooner, but I get only quarterly statements. 

I called Fifth Third, asking them to waive the fees. They refused. When I complained and threatened to close the account, their customer service expert told me, “I was costing them money anyway.” Back in the early days of our relationship, Fifth Third used to court my money, Now, like a scorned lover, it isn’t welcome there anymore. 

No problem. My money knows when it’s time to move on. It prefers a partner with old-fashioned values anyway. 

In the meantime, let this be a lesson to all of you. You have to watch your money closely or you’ll lose it … even when it’s in the bank.